***According to information provided by the Ministry of Education (November 2017), 19% of B.C. high school students identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual or not exclusively heterosexual***
IDENTIFYING AS LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, TRANSEXUAL, QUEER, 2-SPIRITED (LGBTQ2S+)
Wouldn’t it be awesome if identifying as LGBTQ2S+ only impacted who you chose to love, marry, date, or have sex with? Unfortunately, this is not the case. The world we live in does not always accept sexualities that don’t fit into the mainstream and most people assume that everyone is (or should be) straight.
If you are an LGBTQ2S+ teen, you may feel different from your straight friends, especially when they talk about romantic feelings, dating, and sex. You may feel like you have to pretend in order to fit in. You may feel you need to deny or hide who you are. Or you may feel supported and able to be yourself. Everyone’s situation is unique.
This page provides some useful information that may help if you identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or queer. For more information on identifying as a trans person, check out Identifying as Trans.
I’m an LGBTQ2S+ teen. How will people treat me?
Wouldn’t it be awesome if identifying as LGBTQ2S+ only impacted who you chose to love, marry, date, or have sex with? Unfortunately, this is not the case. The world we live in does not always accept sexualities that don’t fit into the mainstream and most people assume that everyone is (or should be) straight.
If you are an LGBTQ2S+ teen, you may feel different from your straight friends, especially when they talk about romantic feelings, dating, and sex. You may feel like you have to pretend in order to fit in. You may feel you need to deny or hide who you are. Or you may feel supported and able to be yourself. Everyone’s situation is unique.
This page provides some useful information that may help if you identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or queer. For more information on identifying as a trans person, check out Identifying as Trans.
I’m an LGBTQ2S+ teen. How will people treat me?
- It depends on the person. Some people are totally comfortable with different sexualities.
- Unfortunately, in our society, LGBTQ2S+ youth (or those perceived as LGBTQ2S+) are often treated differently and may be discriminated against.
- You may be called names that put down your sexuality or you may experience violence from peers and adults because of homophobia or biphobia.
- Some people may think your relationships are not real or don’t count.
- These struggles are not experienced by every LGBTQ2S+ teen.
- Many LGBTQ2S+ teens and their families have no more difficulties during the teen years than anyone else.
- Some people even find being LGBTQ2S+ gives them access to a supportive community, bring a sense of wholeness, and strengthens the relationship they have with their family and friends.
- How you cope with being LGBTQ2S+ depends on many factors such as your personality, where you live, the support of your friends and family, your age, and other things.
- If you are experiencing difficulties, the LGBTQ2S+ community can provide support. For more information, check out Sexuality and Gender Resources for Youth.
- It is up to you who you choose to tell about your sexual identity.
- When someone openly identifies as LGBTQ2S+ and tells other people this is called “coming out” which is short for “coming out of the closet.”
- Society has a lot of stereotypes about how someone who is LGBTQ2S+ should act, dress and talk. Because of this, sometimes people who are straight may be perceived as LGBTQ2S+ while some LGBTQ2S+ people are perceived as straight.
- Some people choose to share their sexual identity with a lot of people in their lives. Others choose to keep their sexual identity to themselves or may share with only a few close friends and/or family.
- For more on coming out of the closet, check out Coming Out.
- Realizing you are LGBTQ2S+ does not change who you are as a person. It just means that you are more self-aware and may be capable of making better sexual health decisions.
- Be true to yourself. If possible, keep doing the things you did before you identified as LGBTQ2S+, if these were things that made you happy.
- You may wish to connect with the LGBTQ2S+ community and explore your identify further with others. For more on LGBTQ2S+ resources, check out Sexuality and Gender Resources for Youth.
- You could join a coming out support group or find someone to talk to about your identity.
- You might want to join or start a GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) group at your school, or if you are at university, check out what groups or resources are available for LGBTQ2S+ students at your campus.
- You could also connect to others through online resources such as blogs or websites.
- For more on support resources for LGBTQ2S+ teens, check out Sexuality and Gender Resources for Youth.
COMING OUT
The term coming out is a shorter form of the phrase “coming out of the closet.” It is used to describe the process of telling others about your gender or sexuality.
Coming out can help you feel more free to express your sexual or gender identity in your daily life and in your relationships with others.
SHOULD I COME OUT?
You can choose to come out to a few supportive people first (like friends or siblings), and get them to come with you when coming out to people that might be more difficult to come out to.
WHY MIGHT I CONSIDER COMING OUT?
There are many reasons to come out. Here are just a few:
Depending on your access, location, and personal preference, you may want to go to different kinds of gender clinics or support groups for community or help when exploring things like gender, sexuality, coming out, or dysphoria.
WHY MIGHT I CONSIDER NOT TO COMING OUT?
There are also many reasons to not come out. Here are just a few:
HOW DO I COME OUT?
There are many different ways to come out. The only “right way” to come out is the way that works for you. Here are some steps that you might follow:
WHAT IF IT DOESN’T GO WELL?
In a perfect world, you are met with love and open, enthusiastic acceptance. But that doesn’t always happen.
Like we said before, you definitely don’t have to have all the answers or be an expert about your gender or sexuality. And it’s also not your job to educate your friends and family, especially if this is stuff you’re just learning yourself. If you want this to be an ongoing conversation, sometimes it works best if you and the other person puts in the effort to educate yourselves and then come back together to share the new information. For your friends and family, here are some places they may want to look for more information:
The term coming out is a shorter form of the phrase “coming out of the closet.” It is used to describe the process of telling others about your gender or sexuality.
Coming out can help you feel more free to express your sexual or gender identity in your daily life and in your relationships with others.
SHOULD I COME OUT?
- Coming out is your decision and may depend on what feels safe and right for you, your relationships with your friends and family, and how confident you feel about your identity.
- You should never feel pressured to come out to anyone in your life, whether you’re in a relationship or not.
- Coming out is not all-or-nothing. You can choose to come out to some people in your life and not to others. Again, this maybe depend on what feels safe and right.
You can choose to come out to a few supportive people first (like friends or siblings), and get them to come with you when coming out to people that might be more difficult to come out to.
WHY MIGHT I CONSIDER COMING OUT?
There are many reasons to come out. Here are just a few:
- It may feel important to you to be open about your sexual or gender identity.
- You may want to be with people who accept you for who you are.
- You may want your communities, friends, and family to accept a potentially important part of your identity.
- You may want to make a political statement in support of your gender or sexual orientation.
- If you experience dysphoria, you may want to get support to decrease the severity of this.
Depending on your access, location, and personal preference, you may want to go to different kinds of gender clinics or support groups for community or help when exploring things like gender, sexuality, coming out, or dysphoria.
WHY MIGHT I CONSIDER NOT TO COMING OUT?
There are also many reasons to not come out. Here are just a few:
- You may feel like your sexuality or gender identity is private and not something you want to share with everyone or with certain people.
- You may feel it is not the right time.
- You may fear that your friends or members of your family will reject you, or will respect you less.
- You may fear that you will be bullied or experience homophobia , biphobia or transphobia at school or work.
- You may fear that you will lose your job or housing.
HOW DO I COME OUT?
There are many different ways to come out. The only “right way” to come out is the way that works for you. Here are some steps that you might follow:
- It’s normal to be nervous about coming out. You can totally decide to come out in ways that feel more comfortable for you. Things to consider include:
- Coming out to one person at a time, instead of a whole group.
- Coming out in a way you prefer communicating (in person? by text? in an email?)
- Practice beforehand in the mirror if you want! It’s okay if you script it out ahead of time.
- You don’t need to be an expert in gender or sexuality in order to come out. It’s okay if you don’t have the exact terms or labels. Consider sharing with the other person what your gender or sexuality means for you.
- That said, feel free to share with them if there are terms, identities, or things like pronouns that you’d like them to use for you going forward.
- Depending on your relationship to the other person, coming out may or may not impact your relationship with them. Talking about what you want to change or what you want to keep the same about your relationship can sometimes help create a guide or structure to the conversation.
- Try to be clear with them about who they can share this information with.
WHAT IF IT DOESN’T GO WELL?
In a perfect world, you are met with love and open, enthusiastic acceptance. But that doesn’t always happen.
- Sometimes you maybe weren’t as smooth about it as you wanted to be. Maybe you went off on tangents, stumbled over your words, or got really emotional. That’s okay. You might get more confident with it the more people you come out to, or you might find that some people make you more nervous than others. You don’t have to be perfect.
- Sometimes the person you tell has a non-reaction, where they don’t know what to say and the conversation kind of just ends. While it doesn’t feel as good as a positive response, it’s okay if people need time to collect their thoughts or compose themselves to make sure they say something supportive. It can sometimes help to make time to come back to the conversation at a later date.
- Sometimes the person has a bad reaction, and this can look like a few different things.
- People sometimes say things that are ignorant, based on stereotypes of fears, or are just trying to be hurtful. They might yell or cry or start to make the conversation all about them. That is not okay. If people have mixed up or negative feelings about your coming out, they do not have the right to dump that on you.
- People sometimes do things that are harmful, whether that’s throwing people out of the house or being violent. This is also not okay. You deserve to be physically safe when sharing information about yourself.
- If you think that someone will react negatively in a way that could cause you emotional or physical harm, it is okay to make an exit/back up plan for where to go after, bring a friend or ally for support, or not come out until you have safe/stable distance from the person, or even at all.
Like we said before, you definitely don’t have to have all the answers or be an expert about your gender or sexuality. And it’s also not your job to educate your friends and family, especially if this is stuff you’re just learning yourself. If you want this to be an ongoing conversation, sometimes it works best if you and the other person puts in the effort to educate yourselves and then come back together to share the new information. For your friends and family, here are some places they may want to look for more information:
- Pflag Canada: Pflag Canada is a national charitable organization, founded by parents who wished to help themselves and their family members understand and accept their LGBTQ2S children.
- Egale – How To Be An LGBTQI2S Ally: Egale is Canada’s leading organization for 2SLGBTQI people and issues.
- The 519: The 519 is committed to the health, happiness and full participation of the LGBTQ2S communities.
- Sex Sense 1-800-Sex-Sense: LGBTQ2S+ YouthLine and online resource.
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Resources
Mental Health pages retrieved from:
Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre. (2018). Mental Health & Neurodevelopmental challenges. Mental Health & Neurodevelopmental Challenges . Retrieved September 21, 2021, from https://keltymentalhealth.ca/mental-health
Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre. (2018). Mental Health & Neurodevelopmental challenges. Mental Health & Neurodevelopmental Challenges . Retrieved September 21, 2021, from https://keltymentalhealth.ca/mental-health