Alternatives to Sex
FINGERING
Fingering can be a good way to give someone pleasure, but not everyone is into it.
What is fingering?
Don’t ever put a toy or body part into anyone’s vagina that has been used in anyone’s butt without washing or putting a new condom on it first. Moving bacteria from the butt into the vagina can cause an infection.
Talk with your partner before fingering to find out what you are both looking for.
If you have questions about this topic, feel free to contact a peer educator through Planned Parenthood. [Link]
*We know that these aren’t the words everyone uses for their bodies (eg. trans folks), and support you using the language that feels best for you.
Fingering can be a good way to give someone pleasure, but not everyone is into it.
What is fingering?
- Fingering is when one or several fingers are placed inside someone’s vagina* or anus to give pleasure.
- Fingering is done by people of all genders and sexual identities.
- Fingering is low risk activities when in comes to STIs and can be very enjoyable.
- The vagina and the anus are very sensitive areas of the body and when you are a teen they are still developing. This might mean that you may find fingering uncomfortable or even painful.
- While some discomfort is normal (especially when you are first exploring), pain is not normal.
- If you’re experiencing pain with sex of any kind, talk to your health care provider or go to a walk-in clinic, or a sexual health clinic.
- Get turned on (like by masturbating) beforehand. This will help especially if you are someone with a vagina, because your vagina will become wet and provide natural lubrication.
- During fingering talk to your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t.
- Move your fingers around and ask your partner what feels pleasurable.
- Be slow and gentle, especially when starting.
- If necessary, use lots of lube.
- Try combining fingering with kissing or stimulation of other parts of the body.
- It’s not likely that STIs will be passed on by fingering or fisting someone.
- However, if you have body fluids, such as vaginal fluid or blood, on your hand and then you use the same hand to touch someone’s vagina or anus you could pass something on. If you have a cut on your hand and another person’s fluids get inside, it could also spread an STI. Consider using gloves for safer fingering.
- It’s not a good idea to touch the anus and then touch the vagina without washing your hands. Bacteria are easily transferred this way, and could cause urinary tract infections.
- For more information on STIs and how to protect yourself check out the section on STIs
- No, you cannot get pregnant from just fingering. Pregnancy can only occur if sperm is ejaculated in or near the vagina.
- For more on how pregnancy happens, check out How Pregnancy Happens.
Don’t ever put a toy or body part into anyone’s vagina that has been used in anyone’s butt without washing or putting a new condom on it first. Moving bacteria from the butt into the vagina can cause an infection.
Talk with your partner before fingering to find out what you are both looking for.
If you have questions about this topic, feel free to contact a peer educator through Planned Parenthood. [Link]
*We know that these aren’t the words everyone uses for their bodies (eg. trans folks), and support you using the language that feels best for you.
RIMMING
Rimming is a good way to give someone pleasure and avoid pregnancy, but not everyone is into it.
What is rimming?
Rimming is a good way to give someone pleasure and avoid pregnancy, but not everyone is into it.
What is rimming?
- Rimming is when one person licks, kisses and generally arouses another person’s anus or the area around it.
- Yes, you can be exposed to STIs from rimming including Herpes (Herpes Simplex Virus Type 1 also known as HSV-1) and HPV (warts).
- Use a dental dam when rimming someone to protect yourself from STIs.
- For more information on STIs and how to protect yourself check out the section on STIs.
- No, you cannot cause a pregnancy from just rimming. Pregnancy can only happen if sperm is ejaculated in or near the vagina.
- For more on how pregnancy happens, check out How Pregnancy Happens.
- If STIs are a concern for you then it is a good idea to protect yourself with a dental dam while rimming.
- You can cut a condom along the side to make a dental dam or buy one at drug stores and sexual health clinics.
- For more on dental dams, check out our info page [Link].
- Probably not.
- To avoid this possibility, the person receiving the rim could have a bath or take a shower before.
- Talk with your partner before rimming and find out what you are each looking for.
- During rimming talk to your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t.
ANAL PLAY
Backdoor sex. Anal. No matter what you call it, anal play is healthy and normal. It’s a good way to share pleasure and avoid pregnancy, but not everyone is into it.
What is anal play?
Talk with your partner before anal play and find out what you are each looking for.
Before,during, and after anal play, talk to your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t.
Don’t ever put a toy or body part into anyone’s vagina that has been used in anyone’s butt without washing or putting a new condom on it first. Moving bacteria from the butt into the vagina can cause an infection.
For a downloadable resource on this topic, please visit Planned Parenthood Toronto Factsheet Database.
If you have questions about this topic, feel free to contact Planned Parenthood. [Link]
*We know that these aren’t the words everyone uses for their bodies (eg. trans folks), and support you using the language that feels best for you.
Backdoor sex. Anal. No matter what you call it, anal play is healthy and normal. It’s a good way to share pleasure and avoid pregnancy, but not everyone is into it.
What is anal play?
- Anal play is any kind of sexual activity that involves your butt.
- Putting fingers around/inside someone’s butt
- Putting a tongue around/inside someone’s butt (rimming)
- Putting a penis* inside someone’s butt
- Putting a dildo or other sex toy inside someone’s butt
- Anyone can give, receive and enjoy anal play.
- Anyone of any gender or sexual orientation can enjoy anal play, on their own or with a partner, as long as it is done safely and with everyone’s consent.
- Yes, it is healthy and normal.
- Many of us are taught that anal play is wrong and that your anus wasn’t designed for sexual purposes. Yet there are thousands of sensitive nerve endings in and around your butt that can give pleasure.
- Anal play does NOT cause conditions like constipation, diarrhea or hemorrhoids but if you already have these health problems, you may want to avoid it until your butt is feeling better.
- Anal play should not hurt if you take it slow, are using lots of lube and have a sexual partner you can talk to.
- Anal play doesn’t have to be messy. Some people like to have a bath or shower before to clean the anal area, but this is not necessary.
- Some people prefer to put down a towel or plastic sheet before play starts and/or have wipes nearby just in case.
- Start on the outside: relax the area by touching near and around the outside of the anus with toys or fingers for at least 15 minutes before going inside the butt.
- If and when you are ready to try something inside, start with small toys or body parts until you and your partner feel ready moving on to something bigger.
- Take your time. Relax, breathe and be patient. If you are short on time or feeling stressed out, you may want to save anal play for another time.
- Your anus doesn’t naturally get wet, so have lots of water based lubricants on hand (oil-based lubricants can break down latex condoms and silicone-based lubricants don’t work well with silicone toys). Use lots of lube and re-apply often.
- Some people like to use sex toys for anal play. Make sure anything you put in your butt or someone else’s is: smooth, unbreakable, flexible, clean, comfortable in size and has a flared base so that it can be gripped and removed easily. Putting condoms on toys can help keep them clean.
- It is highly unlikely but not impossible. Pregnancy can only occur if sperm is ejaculated in or near the vagina.
- For more on how pregnancy happens and how to prevent it, check out How Pregnancy Happens.
- Yes, you could be exposed to STIs during anal sex.
- Protect yourself by using condoms on sex toys and penises, gloves on hands and dental dams (or condoms cut up one side) for oral sex.
- If you have an outbreak of herpes or warts around the anus, you may want to avoid anal play until the outbreaks have healed and/or been treated. This will reduce the risk of passing an STI on and make anal play more comfortable.
- For more information on STIs and how to protect yourself check out the section on STIs.
Talk with your partner before anal play and find out what you are each looking for.
Before,during, and after anal play, talk to your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t.
Don’t ever put a toy or body part into anyone’s vagina that has been used in anyone’s butt without washing or putting a new condom on it first. Moving bacteria from the butt into the vagina can cause an infection.
For a downloadable resource on this topic, please visit Planned Parenthood Toronto Factsheet Database.
If you have questions about this topic, feel free to contact Planned Parenthood. [Link]
*We know that these aren’t the words everyone uses for their bodies (eg. trans folks), and support you using the language that feels best for you.
ABSTINENCE
Just like other aspects of your sexuality, abstinence is a personal choice. It’s all about finding out what you feel comfortable with and what works for you.
Abstinence means many things to many people. Sometimes the pressure to be abstinent can be as strong as the pressure to have sex. In the same way that no one should force you to have sex, no one should force you to be abstinent.
What is abstinence?
Basically, abstinence is choosing to not have sex or certain types of sex. Abstinence can mean:
At any time in your life you can choose to stop having sex or to be sexually active, for whatever length of time feels right for you.If you have questions about this topic, feel free to contact Planned Parenthood. [Link]
*We know that these aren’t the words everyone uses for their bodies (eg. trans folks), and support you using the language that feels best for you.
Just like other aspects of your sexuality, abstinence is a personal choice. It’s all about finding out what you feel comfortable with and what works for you.
Abstinence means many things to many people. Sometimes the pressure to be abstinent can be as strong as the pressure to have sex. In the same way that no one should force you to have sex, no one should force you to be abstinent.
What is abstinence?
Basically, abstinence is choosing to not have sex or certain types of sex. Abstinence can mean:
- Not having sexual activity of any kind with another person, not even kissing.
- Not having vaginal* sex, but having oral or anal sex.
- Any combination of sexual acts as long as at least one act is excluded
- All of these definitions are ok.
- You may not feel ready to have sex and want to wait until the right time and place.
- You may feel you want to wait till you find the right person who you want to have a serious relationship with.
- You may want to avoid getting an STI.
- You may want to avoid pregnancy.
- Your religious or moral beliefs may encourage and support abstinence.
- If you are simply not interested in sex.
- Even if you value someone else’s opinion, you are the only person who has the right to decide if you want to be abstinent or not.
- The sooner you talk about your decision the better.
- Talk to your partner early in your relationship before you become physically intimate with each other.
- Remember that you can always say no or change your mind to any activity at any time.
- You don’t have to be a virgin to choose abstinence.
- People who have already had sex may choose to stop having sex for many different reasons.
- Some people choose to stop having sex for a period of time and then choose to start having sex again.
At any time in your life you can choose to stop having sex or to be sexually active, for whatever length of time feels right for you.If you have questions about this topic, feel free to contact Planned Parenthood. [Link]
*We know that these aren’t the words everyone uses for their bodies (eg. trans folks), and support you using the language that feels best for you.